Coffee Lube? - Jogan & Derek/Stuart Trio

“I bet the Stuarts have tried to use coffee as lube before.” — accio-wit.

Based on the above quote— I laughed for about ten minutes straight as a thousand different ideas popped into my head— So, I’m sorry but this couldn’t be ignored. It probably sucks like the rest of my drabbles but you guys see to like them, but I had to write it.— Feel free to send me a review and whatnot. It’s basically another Jogan drabble with Derek too. It’s just pure crack and craziness.

Minor warnings, Julian sometimes just can’t hold his tongue.

It was just another Saturday night, just after Winter break. Nothing spectacular about it at all. As usual, the Stuart Trio where stationed out in Logan’s room studying. Logan sat on his bed up against his pillows, his boyfriend was sat in between his legs leaning against the blondes chest while typing furiously on his laptop as Logan carded through his hair, humming softly while watching.

Derek was sat at Logan’s desk, attempting to study but instead was distracted with his phone. 

The athlete turned around to face his friends and caught Logan’s eye first who glanced at him curiously, raising an eyebrow. Julian was oblivious, his tongue sticking out between his teeth as he kept typing.

“Can I ask you guys something?” Derek asked, coming to sit at the end of Logan’s bed. Logan just shrugged, smiling slightly when Julian huffed under his breath about the sudden movement, making his laptop become unbalanced on his knees.

“Kinda busy here, Derek.” Julian replied.

Derek rolled his eyes and sat down anyway.

“Shoot.” Logan said.

“Um..” Derek cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well, theres this girl right…”

“Don’t tell me you’re hitting on Tabitha again.” Logan drawled with a small groan.

Derek shook his head. “Different girl, different situation.. umm.”

“Ah, well fuck it!” Julian exclaimed suddenly as his laptop became unbalanced again, slamming it shut with a vengeance making both Derek and Logan wince, not to mention jump at the outbreak as the actor pulled away from Logan slightly and pushed the laptop down the bed. Derek gave him an incredulous look as the brunette sagged back against Logan, pouting.

“Why the sudden outbreak?” Logan asked.

“Stupid fucking laptop froze when I was about to hit send and Carmen can fuck off if she thinks I’m filling out that audition online form again. Nuh-uh.” Julian ranted.

Logan bit back a laugh, Derek doing the same. Julian glared at the laptop in front of him before crossing his arms over his chest.

“Anyway, what where you asking Derek?” Logan interrupted Julian’s tirade, wrapping his arms firmly around the sulking brunettes waist.

“She has a weird kink, to put it blankly.” Derek stated.Logan raised an eyebrow. “I thought you where up for trying anything once?”

Derek laughed and Logan could feel Julian shaking with silent laughter as well though his facial expression was still pouty. 

“She has a weird lube kink.” Derek admitted.

A silence. Julian rolled his lips inward, biting down hard and trying his absolute best to not crumble into a fit of giggles, but Logan could feel Julian trembling from a held back laugh against his chest. Logan stared at Derek like he’d grown a second head.

“And..?” Logan trailed off.

“And, the point is I wanted to know if you ever used coffee as lube, because thats what shes suggesting.”

Julian let out a squeak. A rather dorky, squeak before biting down so hard on his lip Logan thought it was going to start bleeding. Derek blushed and Logan tried to remain passive, though it was proving hard. What a stupid fucking question.

“Why..” Logan started before letting out a breathy laugh. “Why would you assume we’ve done something like that?” He squeezed Julian’s waist, trying to get him to either let out the laugh he was holding in or stop trembling.

“I don’t know.” Derek said with a sigh. “Because you’re both fucked up and you both do weird things. It wouldn’t surprise me if you had.”

Julian hummed in a some-what agreement before sitting up slightly. “Sure, you can try it.” He said contemplatively, shooting Logan a stay-quiet-and-back-me-up look. “I mean, coffee we haven’t tried but I know Bailey and Thaddeus had. They said it was awesome.”

Derek looked slightly unconvinced. “Tipton?” He scoffed. “I thought he was up there on the top list of baby penguins in this hell hole, right with Van-Kamp and Hummel.”

“Not at all.” Julian mused with a small smirk. “Trust me, D. Go find her and try it. I dare you.” He knew Derek would never pass a dare.

The athlete glared at him. “I’m not an idiot. Coffee is hot.”

“No way.” Logan muttered, shutting up abruptly when Julian elbowed him.

“Use it cold?” Julian offered.

Derek sighed and dragged a hand down his face. “I suppose I’d better try or else she’ll go elsewhere. I’m meeting up with her now, so later dudes. Thanks.” He said, jumping up and leaving the room.

The room fell into silence for a moment before Julian started giggling, clamping a hand over his mouth to stop his dorky laugh from escaping but it was no use. Logan chuckled low in his throat as Julian turned around in his arms with his cat-like grin fully prominent.

“Our best friend is such an idiot.” Julian said with a smirk.

Logan nodded. “Even I’m not that stupid.”

The actor smirked and kissed Logan chastely before turning around and picking up the laptop again. His face lit up when he saw that even though it froze— the page didn’t delete everything he typed out. Logan grinned at him and sent it.

Two hours later, Logan and Julian where fast asleep when Derek came barreling  through the door looking murderous. Both boys jumped up, breathing hard from  being awoken so suddenly.

“You pricks. I should know never to believe a god damn word either of you say.” 

He muttered, then adding something along the lines of, “Going to have balls smelling like coffee for the next week.” And stormed out while Logan and Julian laughed hysterically.

“He’s going to get us back.” Logan stated with another laugh.

Julian hummed and kissed Logan once more. “Oh well, it was so worth it.”